PS, I Love You Buffy
by skysayzrawr
Summary: Buffy/PS, I Love You crossover fic. Almost completely Spuffy fluff- Buffy is Holly, Spike is Gerry.
1. The List Arrives

_Buffy the Vampire Slayer/PS, I Love You crossover. I don't own anything from either one, unfortunately. :(_

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It had been two months since William had died. Buffy Summers was having a hard time dealing with it. William, or Spike to her and almost everybody else, had ended his life saving the world, channeling his soul through a magical amulet to stop a hoard of demons from opening up a hellmouth in Sunnydale, California. In order to help him, Buffy's wicccan friend Willow had managed to do a spell causing hundreds of potential Slayers to get Slayer powers. The world was saved, and now Buffy would have help; would never have to battle evil all alone again. At what cost, though?

Spike had loved Buffy, even though he was, technically, a vampire. Loved her so much that he went and got his soul back for her, so much that he would willingly die for her. Buffy closed her eyes and gripped the cross that hung around her neck. She could only hope that Spike was somewhere better, that he wasn't stuck in hell for the rest of eternity.

It had been two months now, since Buffy had told him that she loved him, right before his death. The thing that she mulled over every night in her head was this: he had rejected her. She could see why- she had been a right bitch to him. But after two and a half years of trying to get her to admit some feelings for him, she finally had. And he had said _"No you don't. But thanks for saying it." _

Crying, Buffy wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked herself gently. Spike had done so much for her and she had treated him as though he were worthless. As though he were an animal, or some useful object to pull out of the closet once in a while. She relived every moment, every word she had uttered, and heard it multiply, grow until it was a brutal thing that punched her heart. Seeing how he had put up with every disgusted look and pointed insult she had given him, her heart soared and then dropped when she remembered. Spike was dead.

Angel had visited her during Spike's last night on Earth (that was how she measured now, it was always how something applied to him, to William). She had given Angel a speech about cookies, about how she wasn't finished baking yet. She had given him false hope, she thought as she waited out the sobs that wracked her body now. She _had_ been done baking; to say she hadn't was a lie and she knew it. She had finished baking and it wasn't Angel who would get the cookies in the end. Maybe he had preheated the oven and brought some flour, but it was Spike who had put her together, helped her meld into her final self. He was the one who stayed in the kitchen, watching her grow and making sure she did it properly.

_Ring, Ring._

Gah. The phone…almost nobody had this number; it must be important. Let it go to voicemail.

_Ring, Ring._

Hurry up and go to a message already.

_Ring, Ring. _

_Click._

"_Buffy, it's Faith. Look, I know you're at home, okay? So just pick up the phone and talk to me. It's important." the voicemail broadcast throughout the room. Sighing, Buffy shuffled to the phone and picked it up wearily. _

"_What is it, Faith? I'm trying to-" _

"_Trying to what, wallow in your own misery? Cut the crap, Buffy. Listen, some kind of package got delivered to me, and it's addressed to you. It's been at least three weeks now and I need you to come pick it up, alright?" _

"_What kind of package is it? I didn't order anything." _

"_I dunno. It just says 'The List'." _

_Buffy dropped the phone. _


	2. A Brand New Coat

_For disclaimer see chapter one. _

_Recap: It's been two months since Spike, Buffy's love, died to save the world. Now that there are more Slayers than ever, she has nothing to do. One day, Faith called her up, informing her that a package with the words 'The List' had arrived for her. What could it be? _

"Oh…" breathed Buffy as she took in the package on Faith's kitchen table. It was big, and wrapped in one of those envelopes you can buy at post offices, the manila kind with a non-lick seal. Grabbing it off of the table, she noted that it was actually pretty light. Reading the label over several times, she hesitantly turned it over and edged her thumb underneath the opening, slowly ripping it loose. When it was completely open, she reached inside and felt…some kind of material.

Pulling whatever it was out of the package, she gasped and nearly fell as her knees buckled. Faith, standing nearby, caught her and hauled her to her feet again.

"What is it, Buffy?" she asked, truly curious as to what would make the original Slayer nearly faint.

"It- it's his jacket." she said shakily, clutching the thing to her chest. Faith frowned.

"Who's jacket? What do you mean?" she asked, confused by Buffy's erratic behavior.

Opening her arms, Buffy held the top of the jacket, allowing it to unfurl. The black leather duster came to a halt just a few inches above the floor, trembling in her grasp.

"Oh…_oh_!" Faith whispered as she realized what it was and what it meant to her friend. She never knew Buffy's total feelings for the perioxided vampire, but she had been able to surmise that Buffy had felt something all right, and very deeply. The air whooshed out of her friend's lungs as her eyes followed the leather to the floor, where a small envelope lay.

Reaching down to scoop it up, the eldest Summers ripped it open with furious abandon. Hand fumbling, she clumsily wrestled a letter out of the envelope. Unfolding it carefully, she took in the words.

_Hello, love. I know you probably weren't expecting this, but here it is anyway. Buffy, do you remember the time we were talking and you laughed about writing a list for me to tell me what to do once you passed on? Well, I guess we had it in reverse, didn't we? It was me who'd die and leave you all alone. Of course, by now, you've probably moved on, I know you never really had feelings for me. But at least let me say my last goodbyes to you, as a friend if nothing else. I'll be sending you enough letters to last you until the end of the year, once a month. Don't try and find out how, just accept it, please. You need to live your life…_

_With love forever, _

_William_

_PS, I'll be okay, wherever I am. _

Feeling shivers down her spine, Buffy reread the letter once more. She remembered their conversation. She had joked that Spike was so dependent on women that when she died he would be lost. She said that she'd write him a list so that he'd know what to do when she was gone. Of course, she'd never actually thought anybody would do it. Glancing at the last few scentences of the paragraph, she stopped short. Did he say he'd find some way to send her letters until the end of the year?

Eyes filling with tears, she clutched his coat to her heart and then put it on. She would get a new memory of him, every year! Was this the best gift she could be given? No, nothing could come close to having him with her again- but this was better than silence. She would have something real to hold on to, something tangible. She was only stopped short when Faith called to her.

"Buffy, I think these are yours, too. They fell out of the package and underneath the table." she said, holding up two envelopes, smaller than the first. Nearly taking Faith's hand off, she grabbed them and ripped the first open in one slice, tearing out the letter and reading it hungrily. She noticed one word written on the envelope as well, 'March'.

_I'm sure it's cold there in England, Buffy. I thought you might appreciate a coat. Think of me when you wear it? _

_PS, I love you…_

Eyes misting, threatening to overflow again, she sniffed into her- no, his, it would always be his- jacket, wiping away the wetness. After several minutes of collecting herself, she prepared to open the next envelope, as she had two months to make up for.

Slowly, over much of the initial shock now, Buffy held up the second envelope. Drinking in the title, she noted what it said, 'April'. Easing the seal off, she slipped out the short letter inside, reading the words.

_Learn to play your cards, right, love. You'll need it for next month. _

_PS, I love you…_

"I love you, too." she said, hoping that wherever he was, he could hear her.


End file.
